CONCRETE ACTIONS TO PROMOTE SECURE ATTACHMENT
By Cecilia Gutiérrez A., Psychologist NSW SLASA.
psychologist@nswslasa.com.au
Secure attachment is placed as the cornerstone, the foundation of competent parenting and healthy development of personality, not only in childhood, but also in adulthood.
Given the importance of establishing a secure attachment bond, these are specific actions that can be performed by parents to promote a secure attachment relationship with their children at different stages of development:
1. Gestational Stage (pregnancy)
2. Newborn
3. Early life
Gestacional Stage (Pregnancy)
1. Communicate constantly with your baby, especially after the fifth month, speak and sing softly.
2. Cherish the womb.
3. Try living in a quiet environment without stress.
4. Eat a well-balanced diet, avoid alcohol, smoking and any toxic substance.
5. Prepare breasts for breastfeeding.
6. Ensure the presence of the father in childbirth.
7. Try to get help with domestic chores so you can devote entirely to the child, at least the first 3 months of life.
8. Try to have a secure attachment relationship with your husband.
Newborn
1. Lovingly cradled in your arms your newborn child.
2. Start as soon as possible the child's contact with your breasts and start breastfeeding.
3. Talk to your child using a soft and loving voice.
4. Eye contact; look in your child's eyes while talking gently.
5. If the child cries, provide extra rocking, remember that children need "more than clean diapers."
6. Try installing the baby's crib near the mother's bed the first months of life.
Early Life
1. Show love to your child through physical and verbal affection, unconditional acceptance, either taking them in your arms, rocking and talking to them. This way you are reinforcing: Security, initial basic Confidence = self-confidence, self-esteem.
2. Give your child comfort and support them in stress and risk times. This way you are reinforcing: Security, initial basic Confidence = self-confidence.
3. Praise for achievements such as toilet training, puzzle resolving, language progress, positive behaviors or other further developments. This way you are reinforcing: Self-esteem, autonomy and motivation.
4. Provide a safe environment, new situations (new experiences, new people, other places) so you are reinforcing: Social adjustment.
5. Use language to reinforce aspects that help them deal with problems. For example, say "I know you can do it", "I am here with you". It will comfort and remind them that there is a relationship of trust they can be sure. This way you are reinforcing: Self-confidence, self-esteem, autonomy and capacity to solve problems.
6. Encourage your child to recognize their basic emotions and so they are able to recognize some emotions in others (e.g. sadness, joy, sorrow, happiness, anger, etc..) This way you are reinforcing: Recognition of Emotions, empathy capacity and impulse control.
7. Encourage your children to try to do things for themselves with minimal help. This way you are reinforcing: Autonomy, Self-confidence and initiative.
8. Establish standards and rules: If the child shows any bad behavior (disobeys, do not eat food, fight with sister, etc...) Explain calmly through dialoguing that what he/she did was wrong (it is important to explain the reason otherwise the child will not understand why it was wrong what he did). Once you explain, say that a privilege will be taken (for example, he will not watch TV, or play play-station, etc.). This way you are reinforcing three very important aspects:
1. Setting limits: there are rules at home to be respected.
2. Dialogue and respect: The problems reported and resolved through dialogue and respect. (likely if your child see you use the dialogue and respect address the problems, start by imitating him with problems the same way, even in adulthood).
3. Consequences: You will learn that negative behavior has consequences and probably the next time he'll think twice before doing so.
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